Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
