Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
