I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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