Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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