Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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