Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
