I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
