If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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