Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
