2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
