Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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