im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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