Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
