I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
