it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
