Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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