alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
