Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I pour the whiskey from now on
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
