I'm really into asian looking animals
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
