just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
