can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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