so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
