I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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