I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
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I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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