I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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