you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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