im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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