i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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