I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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