all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
