he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
