college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
