I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
