Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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