you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
