connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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