You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
