I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
