that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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