so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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