Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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