i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
