I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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