seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize