Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
