So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
