3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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