Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
