I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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