he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
