I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
that is very illegal...i love you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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