Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
