so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
