i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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