You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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