By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
