My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
