remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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