Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
