well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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