if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
