Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
