the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
