that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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