just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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