I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
