Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
