im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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