Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
