I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
