he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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