Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
