i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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