His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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