some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
