She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
