It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
